The Unpopular Opinions of a Post-Modern Prep

A post about privilege

I am a white, cis, queer femme. I want to make that very clear that when I am writing this, I am doing it from this perspective. I also do not claim to be an expert. But I know my lived experiences. And this is them.

Being feminine is a privilege in many ways if you identify and are read and female.

For instance, you are typically seen as approachable. You might have a better chance of getting a job. You might be seen as traditionally attractive. You might get straight passing privilege, even if you aren’t straight. You have a lot of clothing styles available to you. If you decide to dress more masculinely for a day, it might be seen as more acceptable because you are usually more femme.

But being feminine is extremely marginalized as well.

People feel comfortable touching you without your consent. You are talked over. You are seen as weak and passive. You can be aggressively hit on, and if you protest you are seen as a bitch. You are deemed a slut if you enjoy or have a lot of sex. You are oftentimes invisible in your queer community. You are seen as an ‘ally’. You are not taken seriously and your intelligence can be judged based on your appearance.

Very often, masculinity is a privilege.

Masculine folks get heard in the queer community. They are seen as ‘more queer.’ They are listened to and respected. They are the ones deemed attractive. They get many of the same privileges cismen receive, due to their masculinity. They are ‘subversive’ and ‘radical’, labels often denied to feminine folks.

Of course, masculine folks are also marginalized.

Their masculinity is oftentimes more visible, and is therefore more likely to be punished by homophobic forces.

However. I want you to think about your queer community. I want you to think about the spaces where you feel safe. Who is heard in those spaces? What voices are privileged? Who is wanted in those spaces?

Femmes and feminine folks are rarely heard and wanted. And if they are, most of the time is as sexual objects. Not as equals.

So that is why I say ‘masculine privilege.’ Because it exists. And I will not engage in hypothetical musings of who has it worse. There is a also a privilege to be being feminine. I am absolutely not denying that.

But why is it that when masculine privilege is brought up, everyone stands tall to defend it? I really urge you to take a step back and think about your femme and feminine comrades. We want our struggles to be taken just as seriously.

So true. I’m a femme, and I’ve stopped going to gay bars because of this.
Best case scenario, I get asked if I’m the ‘straight best friend’. Worst case scenario, I get people aggressively telling me that ‘tourists aren’t wanted’, and that I should leave.
When I ran my university’s queer group, I had someone come in after hours and, after finding out that I was, in fact, the coordinator, snidely remark, “Oh. I didn’t know they were letting straight girls run the place now.”

It really can be unpleasant.

(via welfarepenis)